That probably won’t catch on. Actually, if Taylor Swift can align her upcoming album as one of the most exciting pop releases left in 2014, maybe my unimaginative headlines can forge a life beyond this URL. I’ll just have to release two magical pop singles which redefine myself as a formidable music force with a goofy, white girl charm. Pass me a drum machine, it’s time to get SWIFT-ING.
If you haven’t been SWIFT-ED by this undeniably SWIFT-IABLE piece of a SWIFT-DOM, then no amount of SWIFT-ING is going to save your eternally glum SWIFT-LESS life. Alright, I’ll stop. But if you’re on the fence, jump back into the woods and give it another spin. This song combined with the carefree anthem of Shake it Off is Taylor entering the supreme leagues. A place where the casual radio listener working in a supermarket mutters, ‘yeah, that’s alright that’ as they shove another Ginsters pasty into your bag for life.
Hold up, why aren’t you packing your own bags for sodding life? SWIFT OFF.
I’ll come clean, I wasn’t a Swift advocate until her recent efforts. Her borderline country stylings and awkward Disney princess image was something I found hard to swallow on a British meat and potatoes diet. Ever since Shake it Off however, my opinion has started to shift/SWIFT. She’s dropped all the unnecessary music trims and emerged as a freshly baked popstar. Out of the Woods being the kind of glistening showstopper her contemporaries have failed to knock out in recent years. Don’t get me started on that bridge. Oh that beautiful bridge.
I genuinely love it when people manage to swift/switch your opinion for the better. It selfishly makes you feel taller as a person and simultaneously highlights how much a presumptive prick you might have been before. Last time I experienced this was the 2013 case of Ben Affleck, who after starring in an awful run of Pearl Harbour and Daredevil, stood behind the camera and delivered the triple A-grade whammy of Gone Baby Gone, The Town and Argo. His speech at the BAFTAs for the latter, warming my callous heart into submission. Ben was a good egg all along, he helped write Good Will Hunting for christ’s sake. How did I not see the signs?
Truth is, it’s quite easy to get swept up in the negative hysteria of high-profile stars. Taylor has had her fair share, garnering a reputation as someone who worked through the male of the species with admirable efficiency(which shouldn’t be a negative thing but that’s for another time). But now she’s about to surpass those perceived notions with two alarmingly great pop songs and hopefully an album that will set people’s mouths moving to her music rather than her reputation. Good on you, Swifty. You old dawg.
I realise trying to highlight positive SWIFTS in opinion in an industry populated by obsessive fandoms might be a doomed endeavour. But someone needs to take the bold steps of admiring positive changes in megastars from a stuffy bedroom in the middle of England. Now if you don’t mind, I’m going to drum up a hero’s welcome for her latest single in a classic CD:UK presenter segue fashion. Because I miss those Saturday morning TV days.
IT’S TAYLOR SWIFT.
CROWD: AAAHAHAHAHAAAAHHA SWIFT-ING SWIFT-ING SWIFT-ING.
It will catch on someday. I’m telling you.